To be honest, I don’t really know how many people actually read my blog, but I am in need of prayer and financial support for my trip to Lugazi, Uganda this summer. I am going to Faith Children’s Home in Lugazi, and will be serving and loving on the kids there during my time in Africa. Just take a look at their website and please lift up your prayers for these kids and for my team. The total amount I have to raise is $3,200 and I have already raised a little less than half of the money so far. God has really been providing and I pray that He would continue to do that through people who have a heart to give. Here is the website of the orphanage… http://www.faithchildrenshomeuganda.com/home. Also, if you have a heart to give, please please do, even if it is only $5, it helps. And if you can’t, please pray. Pray for our team to love on these kids and serve in a way that please the Lord and that we would not go as people thinking we are going to change the world, but that we would go as humble servants going to serve God and his kingdom. Here is the website to give, https://secure.westmont.edu/cgi-bin/WebObjects/creditCardProcessing.woa/wa/donate?custom=wsm. When filling this out, please click on the option of ‘Emmaus Road’ and when prompted, ‘Given the gift on behalf of…’ put in my name, Teka Gabaldon. Thank you so much for your potential prayers and financial support, both are much appreciated. 

And I will call upon your name, And keep my eyes above the waves, When oceans rise, My soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours and You are mine. 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand, Will be my guide, Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You’ve never failed and You won’t start now.

(Oceans; Hillsong United)

When has God ever failed me? To be honest I cannot think of one single time. And you know why? Because it’s never happened, and it never will. God is so faithful, and even when things don’t go my way, it doesn’t mean that God is somehow failing me. That is never true, and will never be true. Today I prayed for a lot of things, and I found myself praying for his wife. For him to be so blessed by her, to have him finally feel at home when he is with her, that she would be so full of life, so full of God, and so lovely, that she would truly be the perfect woman that he has always searched for. As hard as that was to pray, it wasn’t. I want him to be happy more than anything in this world. And I know that she will be one of those most amazing women this Earth has ever seen because He is one of the most incredible men this Earth has been blessed to have on it. I can be afraid, or I can trust that God has the most amazing plan for me that I could ever imagine. Just like the song says it so beautifully, “You’ve never failed and you won’t start now.” Lord thank you for being the glue, for being right there to catch me when things start to fall apart, and there when everything is going right too. You will never fail me, and You will bless Kevin more than he ever believes, and I am so thankful for that. Bless him Lord, above anything he deserves, and beyond anything he could ever hope for. He does truly deserve it Lord and he is such a man of God who I respect so much. Love on him Lord. 

He told me to let my life bear much fruit and reflect the gospel. To let those things be clearly displayed though my actions and the way I live my life. The only problem is that, I don’t know how to do that. Sure I can walk the walk and talk the talk, but I’m having a hard time with my faith. And it’s a constant battle between God being so good and me not accepting that. A furious fight in my mind that accepts that God is just what I need, and wanting something else, something more, even thought that doesn’t exist. Sometimes, if not all times, things that happen in my life determine how I feel about God at that moment in time, even though that’s not something that I like to admit. It’s hard for me not to be angry with Him when things don’t go my way, even thought that sounds like the most childlike thing to do. And it’s easy for me to love him with no end when things are going right. I wish that I could constantly just be satisfied with Jesus. Knowing that He is more than enough for me. One of my other posts was something that God just spoke to me while I was ranting to Him. And he commented on that and hopes that I would live more like that, and not just think those things but show them in my life. It’s a battle between me and God, and it’s not as easy as that. I just don’t know how to show this love I have for God through my actions and I don’t know how to bear much fruit. The only thing I know is that I desperately want that, and in a way it is for him. But there’s a huge part of me that just wants it for myself and for my relationship with God. To be honest, I feel like if I was able to express this supernatural love I have for God, that he would love me more. And I know I would love someone more if they were able to express this love they have for God and they were able to be a spiritual leader. I just want this. I want so badly to be such a woman of God. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and I want to love God more than anything else on the face of this earth and to never let anything change that. So God, I’m telling you now. I want that. I want to love you more. I don’t want to let things get in the middle of our relationship and I don’t want circumstances to change the way I feel about you. Please help me to figure out how to bear much fruit. Let my life show that I love you and let my life show that I have a deep and meaningful relationship with you. Please don’t let it be for anyone else than myself. I know you love me, but I want to love you back just as much. Help me to do that, because I can’t do it on my own. I’m so helpless and I am not worthy of you. I don’t have anything and I need you, now and forever more.