“I’m gonna steer clear, oh yeah, I’d burn up in your atmosphere, i’m gonna steer clear, cause I’d die if I saw you, I’d die if I didn’t see you there, see you there. Think I’m gonna stay, gonna stay in the gray, think I’m gonna stay, gonna stay, and the street lights say never mind, never mind, and the canyon lines say never mind, the sunset says we see this all the time, never mind, never you mind. Wherever I go, whatever I do, I wonder where I am in my relationship to you. Wherever you go, wherever you are, I watch your life play out in pictures from afar.”

This song gets me every time I listen to it. The lyrics resonate so deep in my heart and just make me think. When you lose someone all you want to do is steer clear of them, but all you want is also to just be so close to them at the same time. Maybe staying in the gray separates us from really facing the truth and realizing that we need to move on, to grow up and to in a sense, go to LA. We’re always going to be watching from afar, and maybe for a while that’s okay, always going to be wondering what our relationship with them is at that point in time. But there’s a point where were going to have to give that up. And see that staying in the gray isn’t going to get us anywhere, it isn’t going to get us to LA, it’s going to keep us stagnant and constantly pondering the should of been’s and could be’s.  It all comes to the point where you have to decide if all this is worth holding onto or if maybe it’s just something that happened and something that you have to move on from. Giving that up is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but maybe it’s good and maybe it’ll get you to places you never thought you would ever go. 

“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never gave up hope.”

“God, where are you in all of this?” I ask myself. “I’m right here” he answers. I’m more near than you ever could have imagined. I’m there holding your hand when you have tears streaming down your face. And I’m there standing next to you when you don’t know what to say. My daughter, I’m three steps ahead and also behind. I’m with you at every corner, every intersection, at every step. And when you don’t feel me, that doesn’t mean I have disappeared. He says to me, “Teka, I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness, and I will never let you go.” “Through every storm, through every drought, I will be there. When things go wrong, and when things get hard, I will be there. When your day brightens and the clouds roll away, I will be there. And when you feel unloved, daughter, know that I am loving you back even harder.” “He may not feel for you the way that you want him to, and that’s okay. Because I love you, more than you will ever know.” 

“when we have nothing left but God, we discover that God is enough”